What is a love language? Why is it important to know if you are in a romantic relationship? I am sure you’ve heard Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. I can attest to that as being true. What makes me tick does nothing for my husband. And the things that move him has no effect on me.
About a week ago I took a day off and just wanted to lounge around the house all day and watch Lifetime movies. which is something I rarely get to do since I own Amazingly Creative Events. I thought what an awesome way to take a timeout, I was excited about that day. Out of love for me, my husband appeased me. But the next day he calmly said, “boy, I really hate I missed the game yesterday”. I realized while I was excited about our downtime and watching Lifetime movies it was torturous for him. I honestly thought my idea was amazing, I just knew he would enjoy it.
Each Lifetime movie was different therefore providing diversity, what was there not to like about that. While he didn’t mind relaxing with me Lifetime movies are not his style. He never complained. Ghee, that’s love! I am not sure I could spend a day watching sports. I would not have been able to suffer through it. In that moment I realized what an amazing guy I am blessed to spend my life with. Then I made a conscious decision to never torture him again. Though this was minor I love him enough that in controllable situations to only ensure that he is doing something that brings him comfort and/or happiness.
I began a quest to learn his love language. A love language is a way that people speak and understand emotional love. I then read this excerpt from Gary Chapman’s fourth love language, Quality Time and felt like OMG I missed it:
“Quality time is giving someone your undivided attention. I don’t mean sitting on the couch watching television. I mean sitting on the couch with the TV off, looking at each other and talking, and giving each other your undivided attention.”
Our lifestyles are so busy nowadays, so I intentionally create time for my husband because he’s important to me.
Here are four ways to spend real, full-on, meaningful quality time with your spouse:
- Maintain eye contact when your spouse is talking.
- Don’t listen to your spouse and do something else at the same time (especially men AKA non-foreordained multi-taskers!)
- Listen for feelings. Ask yourself, “What emotion is my spouse experiencing?”
- Refuse to interrupt. Such interruptions indicate, “I don’t care what you’re saying. Listen to me instead.” (May, Tawny, 2/8/2017 February 8. Living the Love Language of Quality Time. Retrieved from http://www.nurturingmarriage.org/the-little-things/living-the-love-language-of-quality-time)
The next time you think of a way to connect with your significant other consider what your action will mean to him/her. There are 5 love languages. If you know your partners love language you can start loving him/her in the way they want and need to be loved. To help identify your love language take the quiz, http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/couples/ .